did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
