he puts the penis in happiness.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
please don't ironically join a cult
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