Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
