She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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