She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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