Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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