two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
