I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
