Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Bring me that man meat
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
