i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
