i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
