I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
