dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
