They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
