i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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