Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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