just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
