I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just pee around me
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
