xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
