Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
