Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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