Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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