Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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