I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
