bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
