I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
