She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
