true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
