Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
