Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
