he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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