My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
