Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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