I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
