Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
