She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
