Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
