8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
