get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
