I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
