How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
