please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
