i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
