I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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