In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
