Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
