I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
