i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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