just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
