i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
