hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you mean i was at the winter classic?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
